This goes out to EVERYONE i know... i am done. I am tired of people taking advantage of me. No longer am i going to be the one that "has" to invite people. If you want to show up, maybe communicate with us. GREAT IDEA that is, isnt it. Relationships are two way streets.
Another thing. If you make plans with me (which wont be happening anymore cause too many times it doesnt go thru cause of people being inconsiderate), dont "forget" about our plans. Dont say you want to go climbing with me and when i arrive to go, you are out eating with some friends. (its happened more than once!).
Im so tired of being there when people want me to be, and then when its time to return the favor, they dont care about how it makes me feel when the favor is not returned.
Stop making plans with me and then forgetting to let me know when you decide to cancel them.
Stop trying to cash in a rain check when i have class or school during that time.
Dont use my money, wait a month to return it, and have me come to you to pick it up.
Is anyone considerate anymore?!?! This is ridiculous... and the worst part, its all mainly coming from family. How awesome is that?!
im just so done.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Thursday, February 7, 2013
It Gets Better -
Something happened today. Something that is gonna make peoples lives hard for the next while. A beautiful woman took her life. A friend from back when no one had any cares; early junior high.
Some people get on the wrong path and cant get themselves back.. but this wasnt Syd. Syd came back. She was an amazing person.
I havent seen or talked to her in many years. Im not trying to make people think that im one of those "fake" friends that pretends to care only after the person is gone.
It does hurt my cousin tho. They danced together for many years. They were friends always. So, it hurts me because i know that she is hurting.
Something happened today. Something that i will never be able to understand. A selfish act; one that makes you realize just how selfish you, yourself, have been. We are all wrapped up in our own lives that we cant recognize when someone is in need.
"But she always seemed so happy" - Thats what i have heard everyone say so far today, including myself. Thats what hit me. We need to go out of our way to make sure the people we love and care about are truly happy; not just seem happy.
My friends are hurting now, because their friend hurt bad enough to take her own life. I just ask you this one thing, if youre hurting, talk to me, or anyone for that matter. I love and care about you. I never want to imagine any of you not being with me.
You dont have to be strong all the time. You just have to be strong enough to ask for help.
I love you all.
And Syd. I know youwere loved are loved. I feel so sorry that you hurt so bad. I only hope that it is gone now, the pain. I hope you will guide your friends here on earth and be with them now, because i know they are going to need you.
Some people get on the wrong path and cant get themselves back.. but this wasnt Syd. Syd came back. She was an amazing person.
I havent seen or talked to her in many years. Im not trying to make people think that im one of those "fake" friends that pretends to care only after the person is gone.
It does hurt my cousin tho. They danced together for many years. They were friends always. So, it hurts me because i know that she is hurting.
Something happened today. Something that i will never be able to understand. A selfish act; one that makes you realize just how selfish you, yourself, have been. We are all wrapped up in our own lives that we cant recognize when someone is in need.
"But she always seemed so happy" - Thats what i have heard everyone say so far today, including myself. Thats what hit me. We need to go out of our way to make sure the people we love and care about are truly happy; not just seem happy.
My friends are hurting now, because their friend hurt bad enough to take her own life. I just ask you this one thing, if youre hurting, talk to me, or anyone for that matter. I love and care about you. I never want to imagine any of you not being with me.
You dont have to be strong all the time. You just have to be strong enough to ask for help.
I love you all.
And Syd. I know you
Monday, February 4, 2013
Lists
"not every workout has to be your best work out." - mark.
I have to tell myself this quote so often lately. Im feeling weak. My red blood cell count is lower than most peoples' (because i dont eat meat and im a girl), which means that oxygen isnt being carried as much as it should be.
I know that is just an excuse, cause i can change it... just take iron pills.
so. thats what this post is about; change.
Wish me luck :)
I have to tell myself this quote so often lately. Im feeling weak. My red blood cell count is lower than most peoples' (because i dont eat meat and im a girl), which means that oxygen isnt being carried as much as it should be.
I know that is just an excuse, cause i can change it... just take iron pills.
so. thats what this post is about; change.
- take iron pills
- keep a workout journal
- keep a workout journal for my mom
- check canvas everyday
- read more of my text books
- keeping my room clean (not just the kitchen)
- accept more dates
- go out with friends more often
- wake up early for class everyday
- control my anger issues
Wish me luck :)
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
School -
What i have gotten out of this semester so far....
1. There is this cute boy in my testing and prescriptions class..
He looks like Chris Evans.
2. I like to imagine cute boy from #1 has the body of Chris Evans as well.
Daydream in class.
3. I enjoy talking to cute boy from #1 and #2.
Its not really a secret. Im sure the kid that sits in between us can tell.
.... Whew. Thats about it. Hope it didnt bore you too bad.
1. There is this cute boy in my testing and prescriptions class..
He looks like Chris Evans.
2. I like to imagine cute boy from #1 has the body of Chris Evans as well.
Daydream in class.
3. I enjoy talking to cute boy from #1 and #2.
Its not really a secret. Im sure the kid that sits in between us can tell.
.... Whew. Thats about it. Hope it didnt bore you too bad.
Cause that's what brothers are for...
Today I am thankful for Devin.
I was tired after school, and just wanted to sleep. He pushed me until I was annoyed enough. Because of him, I made it to the gym today. HOOORAHHH!!
Cheers. To Devin!!
I was tired after school, and just wanted to sleep. He pushed me until I was annoyed enough. Because of him, I made it to the gym today. HOOORAHHH!!
Cheers. To Devin!!
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Given the Chance -
Lets be clear, this song is completely retarded. No woman needs a man to live.
But we sometimes want one.
Sometimes when we lose one, we feel like we arent living to our full happy potential.
I should have just called it like i saw it. I should have just called for help, and ran like hell that day. The burn and the sting and the high and the heat and the left-me-wanting-more-feeling when he kissed me. I should have just called him whiskey. Now the numb has set in; he's gone like the wind, and i can barely feel the pain.
I knew youre heart was already stolen.. I figured it out myself. Thats the day i should have ran. I was just wishing i had a chance still.... but i never did; from the moment you laid eyes on my smile, we were destined to be a mess.
She is lucky, you know... That she has all your love.
But just like i never had a chance, neither did you. She never had the chance to break your heart, or make things happen. She ruined you this way. She will forever be perfect in your eyes, because she has never done anything to truly hurt you.
You have waited for four years. Four. Thats what motivates me to get out of bed. To keep my eyes on the road. To put on that god-awful fake smile that i hate. Cause now, i am right where you are.
I hope you get her one day. I really do. If not for you to finally be happy, then for me to actually get my shot....
You got a cousin whose telling you something that doesnt have nothing to do with the loving that we're in, baby.I hear she's saying this game we're playing should be complicated; if you wont, ill say it, i think she's crazy. Cause love dont have to be a bunch of drama, bunch of knocked-down, drag-outs crying in the rain. Its alright to keep it light now mama dont you think? And we're having such a good time together, and its only just begun. My hearts never smiled so hard baby. Loving you is fun.
You made me go from feeling as happy as that, to this...
I could tell that it was over when her lips met mine. there was an emptiness in her voice, hestation when she smiled. She didnt have to say a word, it was just so plain to see........ I saw goodbye in her eyes.
And yet, for me, i dont see it being over.
There are only two things i regret; opening my mouth and ruining what was a close to perfect as i was ever gonna get with you, and not kissing you goodbye. If i could go back in time, I really would change those two things. Then maybe you would talk to me...
He and I had something beautiful, but so dysfunctional, it couldnt last. I loved him so, but i let him go, cause i knew he'd never love me back. Such pain as this shouldnt have to be experienced. Im still realling from the loss, still a little bit delirious.
Everything thing i see, hear, smell, and even feel makes me want to be with you. I want to trace your farmer's tan around those big arms. I want to take in the meaning of those three beautiful tattoos. I want to kiss those yummy lips, squeeze that cute bum, play with your hair, be tickled by you, and cuddle with you. Even the day that i over-reacted and ruined everything, I still just wanted to be in your arms. Its hard to be strong right now. Its hard to be "just friends"... cause i want to tell you everything about my day. I want to show you the things that make my heart smile. (I have said this before in a blog post... But) i have a habit of falling for friends. So, yeah, we can be "just friends" but just know, that wont stop anything.
Loving him is like driving a new maserati down a dead end street; faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ended so suddenly.
Loving him is like trying to change your mind once youre already flying thru the freefall.
Like the colors in autumn so bright, just before they lose it all.
Losing him was blue like i've never known.
Missing him was dark grey, all alone.
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met.
But loving him was red.
Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you.
Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song.
Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there is no right answer.
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out love could be that strong.
Losing him was blue like i've never known.
Missing him was dark grey, all alone.
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met.
But loving him was red.
Burning red.
Remembering him comes in flashbacks.
In echoes.
Tell myself its time now.
Gotta let go.
But moving on from him is impossible and i still see it all in my head.
Burning red.
So whats the secret to getting over you??
If you made it through this whole thing, I guess this is my way of asking for help. I dont know how else to tell people that it is a fake smile.
I realize i am being a girl... but he likes girls.
But we sometimes want one.
Sometimes when we lose one, we feel like we arent living to our full happy potential.
I should have just called it like i saw it. I should have just called for help, and ran like hell that day. The burn and the sting and the high and the heat and the left-me-wanting-more-feeling when he kissed me. I should have just called him whiskey. Now the numb has set in; he's gone like the wind, and i can barely feel the pain.
I knew youre heart was already stolen.. I figured it out myself. Thats the day i should have ran. I was just wishing i had a chance still.... but i never did; from the moment you laid eyes on my smile, we were destined to be a mess.
She is lucky, you know... That she has all your love.
But just like i never had a chance, neither did you. She never had the chance to break your heart, or make things happen. She ruined you this way. She will forever be perfect in your eyes, because she has never done anything to truly hurt you.
You have waited for four years. Four. Thats what motivates me to get out of bed. To keep my eyes on the road. To put on that god-awful fake smile that i hate. Cause now, i am right where you are.
I hope you get her one day. I really do. If not for you to finally be happy, then for me to actually get my shot....
You got a cousin whose telling you something that doesnt have nothing to do with the loving that we're in, baby.I hear she's saying this game we're playing should be complicated; if you wont, ill say it, i think she's crazy. Cause love dont have to be a bunch of drama, bunch of knocked-down, drag-outs crying in the rain. Its alright to keep it light now mama dont you think? And we're having such a good time together, and its only just begun. My hearts never smiled so hard baby. Loving you is fun.
You made me go from feeling as happy as that, to this...
I could tell that it was over when her lips met mine. there was an emptiness in her voice, hestation when she smiled. She didnt have to say a word, it was just so plain to see........ I saw goodbye in her eyes.
And yet, for me, i dont see it being over.
There are only two things i regret; opening my mouth and ruining what was a close to perfect as i was ever gonna get with you, and not kissing you goodbye. If i could go back in time, I really would change those two things. Then maybe you would talk to me...
He and I had something beautiful, but so dysfunctional, it couldnt last. I loved him so, but i let him go, cause i knew he'd never love me back. Such pain as this shouldnt have to be experienced. Im still realling from the loss, still a little bit delirious.
Everything thing i see, hear, smell, and even feel makes me want to be with you. I want to trace your farmer's tan around those big arms. I want to take in the meaning of those three beautiful tattoos. I want to kiss those yummy lips, squeeze that cute bum, play with your hair, be tickled by you, and cuddle with you. Even the day that i over-reacted and ruined everything, I still just wanted to be in your arms. Its hard to be strong right now. Its hard to be "just friends"... cause i want to tell you everything about my day. I want to show you the things that make my heart smile. (I have said this before in a blog post... But) i have a habit of falling for friends. So, yeah, we can be "just friends" but just know, that wont stop anything.
Loving him is like driving a new maserati down a dead end street; faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ended so suddenly.
Loving him is like trying to change your mind once youre already flying thru the freefall.
Like the colors in autumn so bright, just before they lose it all.
Losing him was blue like i've never known.
Missing him was dark grey, all alone.
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met.
But loving him was red.
Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you.
Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song.
Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there is no right answer.
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out love could be that strong.
Losing him was blue like i've never known.
Missing him was dark grey, all alone.
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met.
But loving him was red.
Burning red.
Remembering him comes in flashbacks.
In echoes.
Tell myself its time now.
Gotta let go.
But moving on from him is impossible and i still see it all in my head.
Burning red.
So whats the secret to getting over you??
If you made it through this whole thing, I guess this is my way of asking for help. I dont know how else to tell people that it is a fake smile.
I realize i am being a girl... but he likes girls.
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