I Aint as Good as I'm Gonna Get, But I'm Better Than I Used to Be -

I aint no angel

I still got a few more dances with the devil

I'm cleaning up my act little by little

I'm getting there

I can finally stand the [girl] in the mirror I see

I aint as good as I'm gonna get

But I'm better than I used to be

I actually dedicated this song to someone else, but lately I have been realizing how much me, myself have grown. Mostly I have seen growth in my ways with men... a few examples are:

          1. When I would go on trips or vacations, it was all about having fun and finding a guy to go crazy with. My first kiss was actually with a guy I had only known a week, but the scene was perfect for a first kiss. Little did I know, that was the start of my hussy life. A lot of the times even I would lead on a few guys and choose at the end of the week which one got the fun. As a lot of you know, I just got back from a week long cruise; I didnt even have the slightest desire to have a "one night stand-no strings attached" boy. You may think, well you just didnt have the option (like my mom actually said), but that wasnt it... I had a few men to choose from, but something in me just didnt think it was me anymore. In fact, when I found out who my brother was kissing on, all I thought about when I would see her is, "wow. such a hussy. you only knew the guy for less than 48 hours and you already have your tongue down his throat." I'm just not that party girl anymore I guess.

          2. I'm the quitter when it comes to relationships. I always have been. Either I know things are about to get rough, so I bolt, or something in the relationship goes seriously down hill, and I bolt then too. Well, I havent grown out of that. I get scared, I've only said the L word to one boyfriend in my life, and even with him when things got hard I ran. I figure itll make things easier. For me at least. Anyways, after I would end the relationship, I would "seal the deal" by going to a party that night or within the week, and make out with basically anyone. I broke up with Jiffy TWICE and neither time I felt like the fun or right thing to do was go hooker myself out to ease the pain. In fact I cried like a normal girl would do and I went on with daily life as if almost nothing had changed.

This is someone that I'm not proud I used to be. Its actually hard looking back and seeing that kind of person. The person that changed me, knows it. They werent trying to do so, and didnt even know it until I informed them; it just happened. I still have things to work on. BUT I'm the happiest I have ever been with myself, and that is such a great feeling.

On that note, [since I dont plan to blog about the cruise] here are some pictures of the trip.

The scenery was GORGEOUS

Dinner time somehow always turned into either dirty talk, or stalking Barbie and Ken

Needless to say, we enjoyed out highest level balcony

Beach hair comes with a price

Formal dinner dress

In case he wanted more, that was ALL they brought (as a prank)

Lunch and drive in Progresso

The travel, fear, rock climbing, and diving of the cenotes (water filled caves[bluest water I have EVER seen])

The boys and their monkeys

Trip from Cozumel to Tulum and the Mayan Ruins



Something to smile about -

I have a rule - on the days that seem like there just not worth smiling about, I HAVE to find reasons that they are.

1. I woke up to freshly made hashbrowns my daddy made me because I am the most picky when it comes to breakfast.

2. I didnt have to wake up super early to practice softball (even though I know it would have been fun.. I just LOVE my sleep)

3. I got to talk to my niece Roxanna, who just recently moved to Cali (with my sister and her family of course)

4. I got to spend time with my mom; just me and her.

5. I have two of the funniest brothers (Tyler and Devin) to always keep me laughing.

6. I got to laugh at practically EVERY text/message that Kimber sent me.

7. I got a nap.

8. I got to eat at The Melting Pot. mmmmmmm.

9. I got in a good core/leg work out.

10. An old friend texted me.

11. I finished cleaning my ENTIRE house super clean.

12. Karoline Sorensen is always there for me when im breaking down.

13. I got to watch Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close with the whole family. (forget about the fact that Tyler was on his laptop, as was my dad, and Devin on his ITouch)

14. I got to talk to my uncle and his best friend Justin, who I secretly have a VERY inappropriete crush on.

15. I got to listen to the old school music on the ride home with Dev and Ty. Ignition Remix all the way. Period.

Maybe I could just let myself sulk and feel sorry for myself; it would be a whole lot easier, thats for sure. BUT thats just not who I am. I'm happy. I like feeling happy. I am starting to see laugh lines on my face, and I'm actually completely fine with it. There is light in [almost] every dark room, you just have to train your eyes to adjust to it.