Nothing horrible happened. No one did me wrong. Everyone I know and love is alive and well.
But today was not such a good day.
I was welcomed into the world of "average women" today. Now, I dont say that to sound mean or stuck up or spoiled. Those words actually come from a good friend of mine.
Have you ever started falling for someone, and find out that they dont plan to fall for you??
Well, I hadnt ever known that feeling until today. I have made others feel that way; so in a way, I got my karma. I tasted my own poison.
IT SUCKS
I had a summer romance. I always thought I wanted one, but never again will I be fooled like that. Note: I didnt want it to be just a summer romance. I wanted more.
There is no reason, he says, about why he isnt falling... He just isnt. I believe him. Its possible, like I said -my own poison- but i fell.
It was his fault even. I had my walls still up, and I was doing just fine. I was dating others and not thinking twice about it. Until that morning... That exact moment i woke up to him caressing my face. Running his finger over every line, scar, and lip. My walls came down, and I started to fall.
So, we still can date. Try for something more at another time. Remain good friends.... Do you know how hard it is to talk and act like your world didnt just come crashing down on you?? Its semi impossible. You walk around with a blank stare. You start tearing up at random times because you saw something you did together. You stay silent.
This is a first.
Maybe I'll thank God that I didnt get what I thought that I deserved one day.
Maybe one day I'll know why it couldnt have worked with us.
Maybe it wont hurt so much.
He treats me so good. He is so honest. It wasnt ever difficult.
This could be why it hurts so bad.
I'm just not wanted.
Those words -my words- kill.
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