Feel it -

I have always been the girl to use her head before she will dare use her heart....

have i missed out because of it??

Sadness/Anger/Fear - I dont let myself feel emotion when it comes to people's health. I use my logic; how can i better the situation? I have always had a little interest in medicine, so i did a CNA class, got my first aid certification, worked in a nursing home, etc. So when my aunt got sick last year, every time i felt like crying or screaming about the unfairness of it all, i would simply hold it back and use my brain to think of how to help. Only once did i ever fall apart and that was just because i was trying to comfort someone else who had fallen.

Relaxation - I am incapable of relaxing. I am always thinking of things that need to be done. And to top it off, i have ADD. In yoga, at the end (forgive me for not caring to know the correct term) when you are just supposed to relax and clear your mind... yeah.. i cant actually do that. its just not possible.

Dependant - I got sick this last weekend. I cried in his arms because i didnt want to feel gross and have to cancel plans and have him cook me dinner and etc. I kept trying to get up and do things. Why cant i let people do nice things for me??

Happiness/Love - This one is my favorite. I have never jumped into a relationship without thinking thru every little thing first. I hear cute stories about how people knew they were in love after only a couple weeks together; i actually get a little jealous. Why cant i jump and hope to fly?? why is it always "wow.. i am so in lo- no im not.. im too young for that"

So, I want to feel.

I want to scream in a pillow (cause my aunt is sick again). I want to cry in a thunderstorm (cause its either she gets worse or they move farther away from me). I want to let the little doubts in (not always be so strong). I want to sit in bed and not think (cause this homework, work, and school thing is driving me insane). I want to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner made for me (cause his food tastes so good). I want to smile (cause he makes me feel so giddy).

I want to fall so madly in love (even if he doesnt love me back).


why do we all have to be so strong all the time? Maybe we should give our minds a break and let the heart do its thing??

Elko-Life post to come



Shout Outs -

Stolen from Kami...

Kami, Kimber, Tawni - I see you three more than I see my own brother. I dont know how horrible this sounds, but I wouldnt change that. I love working out with you Tawn; its one of my greatest highs. Kam, the fact that we cant even go a week without seeing each other, shows right there my love for you. And being able to talk to you, Kimber, about absolutely everything and anything is quite the blessing. I love you three so much, thank you for everything you do for me; even the things you dont realize are so big.

Devin and Brandon - You, my friend, are inexchangable. You are my best friend, and to some people a fiance, boyfriend, or husband. I love being able to call on you to go do anything, and youre always up for it. I love you!! (B, there is no getting out of the arranged marriage. Just get used to it)

Shena, Mikey, Corry, and Tyler - I love you guys. I love getting random texts and phone calls from you; they all mean so much. We have all grown so much and im so proud of who you all became. Best siblings a girl could ever ask for. Miss you.

Karoline - It doesnt matter whether its been 2 days or 2 months since we see each other, we are always there for each other.. A call at 2 in the morning and im there for you by 2:30 with ice cream (and you the same for me - the ice cream.. cause i dont like it haha). You are a gem, and i love you dearly.

Jerimiah - I wake up in the morning and look at my phone to see if you texted me while i was out. I fall asleep with my phone in my hand because I just cant seem to say goodbye to you ever. I light up when you text me, and feel like a complete loner when youre busy. Driving to Elko is always in the back of my mind. You make me smile. You make me laugh. Thank you.

Asher and Jake - I have loved seeing you guys this last week. It takes me back to old times. I love you both and hope to see even more of you.

Jiffy - We arent right for each other, and im sorry about that. Not only do i deserve better, but so do you. I will always have a spot for you in my heart, but its time that i stand up for myself and let myself be with someone that treats me the way i want to be treated.

Marnie - Missing you like crazy.

Kalin - I love how close we have gotten this last year. I honestly feel like you are one of my very best friends and I can talk to you about anything. Youre a stud. Love you.

Tarah - I think about going out to Elko all the time, and not even telling 'Miah that im out there, just so i can spend time with you. Anything is fun with you. I love how strong you are and how you are such happy person. Its like youre high on life. I wish you lived closer so i could see you on the daily. I miss you and love you... somethings never change.

Im sure i missed some people. Sorry if you feel left out. Just know that if youre in my life, i do love you. I dont let people in if im not comfortable enough with them. Thanks for all ya'll do for me.