Feel it -

I have always been the girl to use her head before she will dare use her heart....

have i missed out because of it??

Sadness/Anger/Fear - I dont let myself feel emotion when it comes to people's health. I use my logic; how can i better the situation? I have always had a little interest in medicine, so i did a CNA class, got my first aid certification, worked in a nursing home, etc. So when my aunt got sick last year, every time i felt like crying or screaming about the unfairness of it all, i would simply hold it back and use my brain to think of how to help. Only once did i ever fall apart and that was just because i was trying to comfort someone else who had fallen.

Relaxation - I am incapable of relaxing. I am always thinking of things that need to be done. And to top it off, i have ADD. In yoga, at the end (forgive me for not caring to know the correct term) when you are just supposed to relax and clear your mind... yeah.. i cant actually do that. its just not possible.

Dependant - I got sick this last weekend. I cried in his arms because i didnt want to feel gross and have to cancel plans and have him cook me dinner and etc. I kept trying to get up and do things. Why cant i let people do nice things for me??

Happiness/Love - This one is my favorite. I have never jumped into a relationship without thinking thru every little thing first. I hear cute stories about how people knew they were in love after only a couple weeks together; i actually get a little jealous. Why cant i jump and hope to fly?? why is it always "wow.. i am so in lo- no im not.. im too young for that"

So, I want to feel.

I want to scream in a pillow (cause my aunt is sick again). I want to cry in a thunderstorm (cause its either she gets worse or they move farther away from me). I want to let the little doubts in (not always be so strong). I want to sit in bed and not think (cause this homework, work, and school thing is driving me insane). I want to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner made for me (cause his food tastes so good). I want to smile (cause he makes me feel so giddy).

I want to fall so madly in love (even if he doesnt love me back).


why do we all have to be so strong all the time? Maybe we should give our minds a break and let the heart do its thing??

Elko-Life post to come