I Still Miss You...

Tonight I spent with Mother Dearest (Paige) and my best friend Marnie. Paige had told me about hers and Marns plans to head up to the Park City outlets to shop when I was dropping off some flowers for her. Then later tonight I got a call from Marnie, who invited me to join the two of them on this fun extravaganza. These two women are two of the most important people in my life. Every time I am with them I feel a sense of security and I feel safe. Another thing I love when being around them, is Madison is ALWAYS with them, so I feel her around too.

Madison died a year and a month ago on Oct. 7th of 2010. I only had known her for a year and a half, but she was always fun to be around; she was always making me laugh and smile. When she was hit, I was in the ER. I heard the entire call between the paramedic and the head nurse that morning. Even though she didnt end up coming to the hospital I was interning at, finding out that that call was about my best friend's little sister who had later died, surely left a mark. Needless to say, the "what if"s caught up to me and just made things worse. I found a song a while ago that really just explains what I went and still kinda go through; I Still Miss You by Keith Anderson.

I've talked to friends

talked to myself

I've talked to God

I've prayed like Hell

but I still miss you.

I've tried sober

I've tried drinkin'

I've been strong

and I've been weak

and I still miss you.

I've done everthing to move on like I'm supposed to

but I still miss you.

I really have tried all of it, and the pain never goes away. Marnie and Paige are both individuals that I look up to with everything I have. I love them SO much and I dont even think they realize it. They make such the difference in my life, and probably even have the most influence on me too. They are so strong even when everyone would understand if they broke down. They're perfect in my eyes.

Love you Marnie-kins. Love you Mother Dearest. Love you Maddie babe. Today was a great day spent with the three of you. Thanks for letting me share it with you. <3