This is What Happens -

This is what happens when you ask a certain someone what to blog about...

Ashley Mann is currently my FB fiance,

she's a friend I am constantly joking with,

she's a friend who can make me laugh for just being her crazy, normal self,

she's a friend that is always willing to listen when I need to talk,

she's a friend that I dont have to worry about the way I act around,

she's a friend that will take the wheel when I have no clue of where to turn,

she's a friend that will have a sleep over with me on a love sak,

she's a friend that doesnt even like my stories, but asks me to tell them anyways,

she's a friend that knows my family, but is willing to be a part of it anyways,

she's a friend that isnt two faced,

she's a friend that I can go to for advice,

she's a friend I am not afraid to be honest with,

she's a friend that I wont ever have to worry about losing,

she's a friend that will always have my back,

she's a friend that deserves better than what she settles for,

she's a friend is super sweet, and I'm not sure she knows it,

she's a friend that will buy me ice cream when nothing feels worth it,

she's a friend that is just adorable,

a friend that is helpful,

a friend I look up to,

a friend that I straight up love...

Ashley Mann is a True Friend!!

and THAT is what I was told to post about... ;)

HaPpY bIrThDaY aShEr!! :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHER!!! Love you!! <3

I will NEVER get tired of this boy!! 

(he lets me belt out to my favorite songs, be silent when I want to think, give a listening ear, hug me when I need it most, AND he doesnt judge that I have two sides to me.. the sweet side and the moster!!)

It Makes Me Sad -

Today, I was lucky enough to be able to spend my whole morning and afternoon with the man that, I think, all the girl cousins (and most anyone that actually knows him) love more than anyone else in the world. My Grandpa, Donald Shurtliff, is the nicest, sweetest, most loving and caring man in the whole universe. Its impossible to be around him and not want to smile and laugh all the time!!!

This morning was a little different, though. My grandma called at 6:30 am needing someone to come help watch this wonderful man, so, of course since I love him with all my life, I volunteered. I arrived around 7:30 just in time for grandma to explain why he needed assistance and get out the door on her way to work. I let him sleep while I tried my hardest to stay awake and make sure he didnt try walking anywhere far (he was very unstable). Around 10, he got up and wanted to go downstairs, but when we got down, he didnt know why we went down stairs. So, we sat in the living room and took little naps together until the phone rang around 11:30. We decided it would be nice to get out and run some errands with my dad.. we headed up stairs to get dressed.. problem, he couldnt remember how. He was putting pants on over shorts, garments on backwards, taking his shorts off just to put them back on, and needed my help to put his shirt on correctly.

It was really hard watching the man I have always looked up to, try so hard but never getting the outcome he wanted. It was sad to hear him try and explain to me something, but not be able to get the words out correctly. Today was just hard because it made me realize, there is not cure for death; it can come anytime, in anyway... no preventing it. Hopefully he can just recover and live a couple more years healthy. I hate seeing him like this tho.

I love you Grandpa!! Always will!! <3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Today is the 18th birthday of a friend I have had since 7th grade. We met thru my 7th grade best friends, Alyssa and Vanessa Cadena. It wasnt until 8th grade that we actually got close, and the rest is history. She has been concidered my best friend for almost 7 years now. Some of you reading might be confused and thinking, "wait, I'm pretty sure you two arent on speaking terms"... well just because we are nice to each other lately, doesnt mean I am just going to throw away the CRAZY, DRAMATIC, HYPER, DEPRESSING (at times), LOONY last 7 years of friendship. Oh.. ps. I'm talking about Karoline -
I got her 18 balloons today and had my brother drop them off at her house; the second part of her gift is this blog... I am going to write 18 memories I have that have made me and her laugh til we peed!! haha (can you guess how old she turned??)

1. Get a new deodorant!!!
2. Oh my gosh!! She almost hit her head on the basketball hoop!!! REWIND IT!!!
3. I'm gonna spank you!!!



     4.   Two lanes or four?? - wait... I dont get it.. (two days later) OH MY GOSH!! I GET IT!!
     5.   I like to mix it up.. chew it, blow some bubbles!
     6.   Everybody's hands go up................................................. and they stay there - "wow that is the DUMBEST song ever!!!"
     7.   You're an idiot... I have been watching you for the last three min.. and you are an IDIOT!!
     8.   Enrique, W, Yandel!!
     9.   Crazy random fist fights when the leaders dont even care!!
   10.   Matt will just be our sperm donor :P!!
   11.   I whip my hair back an forth!! (gross)
   12.   We gotta chill sometime - deep breath in, let it out - NO AT YOUR HOUSE!!!
   13.   Our secret code for when we lose our Vcard but cant use words!!
   14.   Ugly faces in Lake Powell on the tube in the middle of the night!!
   15.   Remember, when you turn 18 - call mike!!
   16.   Having the same thought for picture #4 in photo booths with Chance!!
   17.   Ready?? One, Two, THREE - dance on some random guy at church dances!!
   18.   Ring ring - Hello? - Hey.. um are we in a fight?? - No.. not that I know of..? - Okay!! just making sure!! .. Okay, LOVE YOU, bye!!! - Bye.....?

Now we can go dancing like we always promised each other. :) Love you baby girl. and I always will.. even when I hate you :P HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! 18!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT WOOT!!!!!!!



Miles Away -

In the last couple of weeks, I have heard people say stuff like, "I wonder if I already know my future husband.. like if we have already met" so... that got me thinking.. if I were to choose out of my friends I already have to spend my life with, who would I choose?? To save me from any awkward moments, I am not going to use their real names- but I have made a list -

• My best friend, we will call him, Z - Z is always there for me when I need someone to talk to. He knows that I am a kid at heart and doesnt judge me when I act like one. Sometimes, he makes it a point to plan things child-like just for me. He always tells me how I deserve the best, and I should never settle for anything else. I am NEVER uncomfortable around him, and I feel like I can talk to him about anything. Z gives the BEST hugs, and he even on occasion will give me a small kiss on my forehead. I love the guy.. seems like we will always be super close.
• The one I never would have guessed, we will call him, M - M and I talk almost EVERY SINGLE NIGHT and surprisingly never get bored; we ALWAYS have something to talk about. We make up plans for when we see each other, what we will spend our time doing. He offers a listening ear whenever I have problems; he might not always have advice, but he makes me feel better about the situation every time. I love his look; he is super attractive, always nice to look at (especially the short time I was able to see him in person). He is in his twenties (so automatically I have to be attracted to him, right?). I always look forward to our nightly fb chats, cause even topics like "how was your day?" seems so natural, like I could ask him that question everyday for the rest of my life.
•  My first "love", we can just call him the Tazmanian Devil - I have had three perfect moments in my life that include men (that I think of from time to time). Tazmanian Devil is in one of them. We hadnt been dating long, and were just super great friends; we always had fun together. We dressed up and he told me "today I am going to act like I am so deeply in love with you." That night, I got called gorgeous, beautiful, adorable, and everything in between. Also that night, I literally got swooped off my feet as he spun me around in a circle in front of a crowd of strangers and friends. The night ended with us looking at the stars and the city on a bench up the canyon a bit, where he kissed me for the first time. He was always taking me out to new places to try new things. He got me to look forward to church on sunday and just overall made me a better person. I will always love this boy, and wish him a happy mission.

Now, you may be asking yourself, "and why arent you dating any of these boys??" The main reason would be because I live here, and they live miles, and miles away over there. Just my luck to fall for people that I just cant have.

~On a silent night when friends are few , I close my eyes and think of you, A silent night, A silent tear, A silent wish that you were here~

Tomorrow - Yesterday - Today

I'm at the time in my life, when the most frequently asked question is, "what do you plan on doing with your life??" My normal response is that I am finishing up my associates at UVU; which isnt too much of an issue. The following question, though, is the one that brings fear into my heart EVERYTIME it is asked.. "Well, what do you plan to do after??"

Its no secret that I am afraid of the future.

I flinch at the thought of what to do after I finish college. I shiver at the idea of moving out and being on my own. I panic at the image of a family; getting married and/or having children. I quake when I try to imagine growing old. I quiver when I think of starting a career. Basically, anything you can think about the future, I am most likly scared of.

Just because I fear whats ahead, doesnt mean I like whats behind.

At least once a week, I re-live October 7, 2010.. its probably something I should talk to about with a professional(but I am timid of letting people know my deep feelings). Other memories that bring me down are those such as - seeing my luggage in an empty room, before I could ever even say goodbye to my aunt Tarah - prom my junior year (even though that was the best date of my life, it makes me sad to think about because of the break up that came later that year) - remembering the "prayer" that was basically just a threat to God when Breezy and Tawn got in their accident - the year my great-grandma died - anything that has brought real tears to my eyes.

Thats why I like to live in the moment.

I hate making plans. I live life day by day; one day at a time. Both looking ahead and looking behind make me uncomfortable, so I just think about what I am doing within the next hour or so. Sure, some people hate when I call last minute to hang out, but the people that really know me, know that its because I cant stand to make plans. Another reason I dont like making plans, though, is because I dont like to let people down; getting other's hopes up for something that may or may not turn out the way its supposed to. We all need to stop making plans and start living them..

~If you aren't in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret~
~It is only possible to live happily-ever-after on a day-to-day basis~

When I Smile :) -

I have been told that when I smile, its not one of those fake smiles that people put on for show- its a smile that brightens up a room and makes others happy.
First, let me assure you, sometimes it is a mask.. but not usually.

When I smile, there are many reasons.. we shall see how many I can write down -

• recalling a memory I once had with a friend
• remembering something funny that has happened during "cousin nights"
• seeing any of my three nieces
• hearing the classic lines that my nieces like to say and their smart 'A' comments
• watching other peoples live's work out for the better
• realizing that no matter how far down I get, my true friends are always there
• because an old friend checks in just to make sure I am doing good
• a gas station has pebbled ice
• when Grey's Anatomy, One Tree Hill, or SYTYCD comes on
• if I get the last peice of gum from my moms purse
•  getting an 'A' on a test I was sure I bombed
• looking thru and remembering my great grandma's pictures and life
• a friend tells me they miss me and love me for who I am
• watching (under my covers) a big thunder/lightning storm
• going to get ice cream that one time of the month that I actually like it
• finding the smarties suckers in a store
• driving thru mud and getting my truck completely covered
• making ugly faces and sending them to random people
• peeing in the middle of the wilderness (mostly the annual pee at Overton)
• getting surprises- like Steph Jacobs randomly showing up at church
• having my mom curl my hair
• getting my sister to do my make up
• hearing something funny (obviously)
• seeing people get hurt.. but not too hurt
• getting kissed on the forehead
• thinking of something clever to prank on someone
• ditching my friends for family (always seems to turn out worth it)
• thinking of a song and turning on the radio that just happens to be playing that same song
• music in general
• watching amazing dancers- the biggest smile comes from watching Kami, Bree, or Tawn
• arguing with two year olds
• flirting <3
• looking at Thad Nelson (yup. I am a creeper)
• making situation awkward by using the word sex (usually works)
• annoying people
• getting what I want
• road trips
• seeing hot men
• talking to hot men
• going to concerts
• water -  the ocean, lakes, swimming pools, puddles, etc.
• dolphins and monkeys... not really sure why
• randomness
• spontaneous silly string attack wars
• movies with Reese Witherspoon
• my daily nap
• food
• going to pro sports games
• spending time with the family
• getting a wiff of an expo or sharpie marker
• laughing during serious talks (mostly just cause if pisses people off)
• being right..
• watching disney movies
• playing sports of any kind
• recalling the memory of when I first t-p'd a house.... amanda and kimber got us good "walk like this"
• remembering that I have a WONDERFUL life to live

I am sure that I didnt get everything and probably missed a lot. but its 2 am. time for sleep!!!

Remeber to always smile. :)
    

100 Truths -

Saw this on a friends FB page- thought it looked like fun -

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = cherry, vanilla diet dr. pepper
2. last phone call = smackers (zacharias)
3. last text message = hampster (kamika dwayne)
4. last song you listened to: Near to you - A Fine Frenzy
5. last time you cried = before I left for Powell because of friends leaving

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = yes
7. been cheated on = not that I know of
8. kissed someone & regretted it = not really
9. lost someone special= sure have
10. been depressed= maybe... I dont really know
11. been drunk and threw up = thats a negative

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Green
13. Purple
14. Blue (subconciously)

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2011)
15. Made a new friend = yes - Madi
16. Fallen out of love = was never in..
17. Laughed until you cried = a hundred times :)
18. Met someone who changed you = Nah
19. Found out who your true friends were = oh yes.. kinda sucks
20. Found out someone was talking about you = yes
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list = how else would I have become a True T-Wolf??
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life = 99.8%
23. How many kids do you want to have = 0 - maybe 2..... but I still say 0
24. Do you have any pets = two dogs, a frog, turtle, bird, and LOTS of fish
25. Do you want to change your name = never
26. What did you do for your last birthday= the sleep over tradition with my Karoline, Shena, and Kami
27. What time did you wake up today = 10-ish
28. What were you doing at midnight last night = watching When in Rome with my bro and paps
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for = Marnie to cut my hair and model me as a zombie!!!
30. Do you have plants = my mama has lots... does that count??
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? = taking Maddie to school oct. 7, 2010
32. What are you listening to right now? = My Love - Sia.. Melanie Moore solo
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? = sure have
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? = my head ache
35. Most visited webpage = Facebook or YouTube
37. Nicknames? = Candy, Candy Cane, Miss Cane, Hooker Face(zach), Canned Ass, Cand, etc.
38. Relationship Status? = in the fb world, engaged - real world, single
39. Zodiac sign? = Capricorn
40. Male or female? = female
41. Elementary? = Orchard - oh the good memories
42. High School? = Timpanogos - GO T-WOLVES!!
43. College? = UVU for now
44. Hair color? = Blonde
45. Long or short? = long, and I LOVE it!!
46. Height? = 5’5
47. Do you have a crush on someone? = not really - wish I did tho
48: What do you like about yourself? = My scar, personality, humor, sarcasm....okay, just everything
49. Piercing? = ears haha
50. Tattoos? = I have a playboy bunny tan :)
51. Righty or lefty? = Righty

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery = 2 months old
53. First piercing = ears
54. First best friend = Shannon Tuttle - still love her til death!
55. First sport you joined = dance
56. First vacation = Yellow Stone
58. First pair of trainers = yeah... dont really know what that means..?

RIGHT NOW
59. Eating = nothing... I was just eating popcorn tho.
60. Drinking= cherry, vanilla diet dr. pepper
61. I'm about to = Sleep
62. Listening to = Special Two - Missy Higgins
63. Waiting on = hitting my wall (tiredness wall that it)

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? = no.. maybe... no
65. Get Married? = Yes - but no man would ever want to marry this crazy mind
66. Career? = Playboy Model..... or something to do with helping others.. could be one in the same!

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes = eyes
68. Hugs or kisses = kisses - cute small ones.. like on the forehead..
69. Shorter or taller = taller for sure
70. Older or Younger = OLDER BABY!!!
71. Romantic or spontaneous = spontaneous
72. Nice butt or nice legs= both
73. Sensitive or loud = both
74. Hook-up or relationship = hook-ups are fun but I like when the pressure isnt always on(relationship)
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = deff trouble maker

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger = sure have
77. Drank hard liquor = yes
78. Lost glasses/contacts = not a problem when you have PERFECT vision
79. Sex on first date = I'm deff a virgin
80. Broken someone's heart = yeah... :/
81. Had your own heart broken = yes.
82. Been arrested = well.. I got a tresspassing misdemeanor with Marnie - haha good times
83. Turned someone down = haha. yes.
84. Cried when someone died = I still cry about deaths
85. Fallen for a friend? = ish

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself = most of the time
87. Miracles = sure, why not
88. Love at first sight = I guess...
89. Heaven = of course!!!
90. Santa Claus = HECK YES!!!!!
91. Kiss on the first date = yes!
92. Angels = who else would be watching over me to make sure I make good decisions

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time = no
95. Did you sing today? = in my truck and in the office.. Kami liked it
96. Ever cheated on somebody? = in Sims haha
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? = October 6, 2011
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it = Prom with Taz.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? = yes
100. Posting this as 100 truths? = nah

Anymore questions you would like me to answer, just leave them as a comment -

ps. I was right - this was fun!

The BEST Taste in Friends

Well- Lately I have realized who my true friends really are; it just so happens that most of them are moving, so soon I will be left with mostly fake friends who like to either ignore me, lie to me, or use me. Dont get me wrong, I know that I will ALWAYS have family; and I am truly grateful for that everyday lately. I also know that the friends like Marnie Stevens, Britt Brinkerhoff, Asher Jackman, Jake Dyson, Brandon Hoefer, Kalin Ashby, Kenna Roberts, and Ashley Mann who dont happen to be related in any legal or genetic way, will also ALWAYS be here for me as well. I even am lucky enough to have friends that are SO close in heart, their only problem is that they lack in distance. It's just that its FINALLY starting to hit me that I have the WORST taste in friends.

My very BEST friend for all thru junior high and high school has made it very clear to me that she could care less if I was even alive anymore. We have had the best times I could ever ask for throughout the years. She is in most of the moments that I look back at and smile about. Some of the most memorable conversations I have had, come from those that I had with her. Karoline was there through the HARDEST times in my life; she was also there for the HAPPIEST times in my life. Maybe its just me, but I believe that best friends are allowed to tell each other the honest truth and point out when they make bad decisions. I guess thats not what karoline thought, and now I am without a BEST friend.
[Marnie, dont worry, you are my GREATEST friend <3 ]

Then there are the friends, one in general, that lie to me and use me for either people I know or the things I own. Everyone has friends like these, so maybe I shouldnt even complain- I just feel like people should realize that its not okay to ditch their friends for their friend's family. It's not like I have a problem with my friends dating my family members; it's that I am not okay with my friends lying to me and telling me they have to leave to drop off their brother at their home, but when I show up at my house, their brother is in my front yard and my brother is gone(along with my so called "friend"). I would like to meet whoever was the first person to use someone else, and then I would like to give them a peice of my mind.

There are people in my life that bring me all the happiness in the world; cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, siblings, grandparents, and the ones I will FOREVER count on are three beautiful baby girls- Roxanna Amberlynn, Ava Rosalyn Marie, and Paityn Jean. A special 'thank you' goes out to everyone who has been here for me to vent to, cry in front of, distract me, and just hold while I spiral down this whole growing up part of life.

Getting to know me, part 3 -

Part 3 - My Parents

My Paps.

Well.. here it is, my dad never gets as much credit as he deserves. He is such a sweet guy, and he is ALWAYS trying to help out anyone in need. He is always on the move, whether it be for his work, the church, or our family and friends. Like every child and their father, of course we have butted heads a few times, and gone thru terrible rough patches, but he is still my father, and I still love him.. and always will. Even when he is serious at work, he still manages to bring either a smile or a laugh out of someone. He is a pretty great man all in all.. some people just cant see it.

My Mama.

My mother is the most beautiful woman in the entire world, and she sometimes has doubts about it.. so modest of her. She could have just gotten home from a jog, all sweaty and her hair could be a complete rats nest, and I still just look at her and think, "wow. I just got lucky to get her genes!" She is the FUNNIEST person I know. She is the most LOVING person I know. She is all around perfect, and she deserves the world. I love her with all my heart, and I would never choose any other mom. 

The Parents.

Getting to know me, part 2 -

The meaning behind my blog name--

Well, its not a very big story, or very interesting one... but since this is part 2, I will still share this bit of unimportant info with ya'll.
I came up with *.-Wild Thinkings-.* because no one was giving me any ideas (besides Ashley's, which was something like "The Diaries of Ashley's a Sexy Bitch")and just like that, I was on my own... so i figured, nothing on here will make much sense to anyone anyways.... it'll just be wild-- and of course after coming up with wild I thought, ooo "wild thoughts" but then decided that is lame, because I dont like being proper... aaaaaaaaaHHHHaaaaaaaa!!! thinkings is gramatically incorrect.. and just like that-- *.-Wild Thinkings-.* was born.

Getting to know me, part 1 -

Because this whole blog thing is new to me, I asked for some ideas for some of my first posts. Number one idea that was given was the "30 days of truth" but, for reasons that mostly only Kami and Kimber know, I cant do that in case I miss a day. So instead, I am going to start off with "20 Parts of My Life" {made the title up myself thank you}.

Part 1 - Introduce; Recent picture of myself, and 15 INTERESTING facts -




1- I HATE Jello, Cake, and Ice cream(with one week exception)
2- I like diet drinks for the taste, not to maintain my weight
3- I still sleep with stuffed animals on my bed; I have a family of 7 as of now
4- I have 10 key chains for ONE key.
5- My normal pictures are the ones without a normal face
6- My favorite animal is either a Dolphin or Monkey; still cant decide
7- I can go DAYS without washing my hair; and I sometimes count jumping in my pool as a shower
8- My favorite look on me is beach hair, bikini top, and sweats
9- My specialty is making people feel akward
10- In my last life, I truly believe I was a mermaid; playing in water ALWAYS makes me cheer up
11- I get told that I am really smart, but feel like I'm the dumbest on the block
12- Family is the most important thing in my life; I have, and will, ditch friends for them
13- I actually havent met all my cousins-- big family
14- I am IN LOVE with ice; no one is more obsessed
15- I have the bladder of an elephant; never need to pee.. I actually pee on a schedule. morning, 2 pm, and before bed (TMI??? revert back to #9!!)

Sorry if that wasnt INTERSTING enough.. its hard, okay?? I just felt so pressured

The Start of Something.............

Well, I have been told that 'tis time to start letting people stalk my life. You know, the life that can be exhilirating one week, and the next be possibly the most boring of them all. The life that doesnt even have a HINT of normal in it. The life that is scared of the future, but wouldnt want to live in the past. The life that seems to be always moving, except for when it's stopped. You know, MY life, the one i wouldnt want any other way.