Runnin' Hard -

I've never been a quitter.. (the only exception being, relationships).. but growing up, quiting just wasn't an option.. if something hurt, you just push harder. I remember being in junior high, doing the sprint ladders, and watching people just give up or fake an injury. I would always think to myself, "what is the point in giving up??" or "I wonder how it is at their house if they are always quiting." because, back in my house, if we started something, "we got to finish it" - how my dad put it.

I run 3.1 miles almost every day, trying to get into my goal time of under 30 min. for the 5K that's coming up. I try to push myself a little harder each day, and being okay with a 34 min time is just not acceptable. I cant just give up on that goal. Its just not how I was raised. Well, today I  got super tired after only 1 mile and walked most of the 2.1 miles left. It was one of my worst times, and needless to say, I was very disappointed in myself.

While sitting outside trying to get cooled off, my dad walks over and asks what was wrong. I explain how I wasn't the happiest with myself and that run. He leaned over, and said words that I seem to always overlook, "not every run has to be your best run"

Its 100% true. My parents raised me to never quit, but they never said I always had to win either. We shouldn't be so hard on ourselves when we have a weak day. Instead, we should look forward to tomorrow, where we know we have room to improve. Tomorrow is a new day, embrace it.

Open Your Eyes -

Many of you know that our family is doing a 5K run for Lupus on the 5th of May. Lupus runs in my mothers side of the family. "Its not curable but it is livable" - Tarah (my aunt). There is no known cure for lupus, and doctors say it is livable... The problem is, its like living in Hell.

The run is just $20, and we will be setting up a Team Tarah website for donations and sign-ups. If you can open your eyes to the horror of this disease, and are in salt lake area on the 5th of May, run with me and my family and our friends to help raise money for the Lupus foundation. If you cant run, there is a $35 dollar 2.5 mile walk. The more, the merrier. If you are interested, please let me know. I will post the URL for the website when it is finished.

Lupus Butterfly (symbol)

One of the hardest things I've ever done/seen in my life is watching someone I love go thru something this terrible and painful. Open your eyes.

Love you all!!

11 Questions -

The Rules

-post these rules

-post a photo and eleven random things about yourself

-answer the questions provided by the one who tagged you

-create eleven new questions for the people you tag

-contact those you choose and let them know they've been tagged  

The Picture

The Facts

- I have a thing for guys that wear cowboy boots/hats and that are c.o.m.p.l.e.t.e.l.y wrong for me
- I am extremely indecisive
- I am one of the only people in my (immediate) family that tries their hardest to keep in touch with both my mother's and father's side of the families.
- My dream car is a white, with red stripes, 1970's camero
- Country is my background music (mike's words)
- I get along way easier with boys than I do girls
- If I had to choose one thing to watch for the rest of my life, it would be Friends... that show will NEVER get old
- When it comes to the common areas of my house, I am kinda a neat freak, but my own room looks like hurrican Katrina came thru and threw clothes EVERYWHERE
- I go thru a lot of "best friends" but there are only about a dozen (besides family..... even though Kim likes to consider herself a friend as well... im strictly talking outside the family) that actually stuck thru the years
- I will always choose family over friends
- Inspirational and love quotes make up most of my nights

The Answers

- what did you want to be when you grew up?? and why did/didnt that happen?? Well besides the dream of being a famous singer, I used to want to be an architect (I can blame Sims for that)... but when I took a class for it in college, I realized that it was nothing like Sims and it wasnt actually as fun as I thought... Also the teacher was horrible and didnt know what he was doing, so that also had an affect on it.
- what are you most proud of yourself for?? I am most proud of myself for being so focused on family. The fact that I cared more about my family than money that I was able to just drop everything for two months and help them.. It may sound bad, but I'm proud that it was such a simple answer. Family.
- what is one of your deepest fears?? Death of close family. OR. Falling in love. (one more that you'll learn about later).
- what is your stongest ambition in life?? To get Roxanna to tell me that I'm pretty. Because right now, our conversations go along the lines of, "Roxy, do I look pretty today??" -me "Ummm. No. You not pretty" - Xanna.
- if you were to die today, what would you want people to say at your funeral?? That I never truly let life get me down. That I always found something to smile and laugh about each and every day.
- what is your favorite vacation spot?? Why?? This one is a tie. My two favorite vacation spots are The Valley of Fire/Overton NV and Puerto Panasco, Mexico. Both because this is where I get to spend time with just my cousins; no distractions, card games, and a whole bunch of laughs.
- what was your favorite animal as a young kid?? what is it now?? I have always loved monkeys and dolphins... and I still havent grown out of that.
- who do you trust more than anyone else in this world?? Simple. My mother.
- if you had to choose to lose a sense, which one would it be?? This one is a tough one, but I would have to choose feel. I want to see the beautiful faces of my nieces and nephews as they grow up. I want to hear the sound of their laughs when they are happy. I want to walk in the park and smell the pretty flowers. I want to taste my favorite foods. But at least with feel, when I get hugged and kissed, I will know at least what is happening and what its supposed to feel like.
- what feelings do you have when you think of the future?? Fear. Its my all time biggest fear.
- what is your favorite type of therapy?? Either a nice, warm, sandy beach vacation where I can sit in the water and sun and forget about the horrible things in this world... Or spending time (playing a card game or road tripping) with Kami, Shena, Tawni, Kim, Bree, and Ashley.

Elko -

We all know that I recently took a ~2 month break from my life here to live in Elko, NV with my aunt. My aunt, Tarah, has three different kinds of lupus, and was told that last Christmas (2011) could be her last Christmas. I'm not the kind of person who can just sit and pray that things will turn, I have to physically try to help and make different.

In Elko, I would wake up at 6:40 in the morning to take my shower and start getting ready. At 7, I would wake up the kids to start getting ready for school. Then I would drop them off at 7:50, come home, wait for about 30 min and then start to cook breakfast for me and T-Tare. During the hours between breakfast and picking the kids up, me and Tarah (depending on how she was feeling that day) would run errands that needed to be taken care of. At 3, I would go and pick up Kenneth and then at 4, I would grab Hannah. We would spend the evening doing homework and cleaning the house. Around 6, I would cook dinner for the four of us, clean up from dinner and spend the rest the night in bed with my auntie watching TV.

The week that Sally came was super fun.... and honestly, I couldnt have done it without her. Being able to vent about the stupid stuff that bothers me, and have the heart to heart about what really goes thru our minds about the whole lupus situation was extremely theraputic. We got closer than ever when I broke down about people always complaining about work when others had it much, MUCH worse... like living thru so much pain everyday that it makes you cry in the fetal position on your bed and then having to hide it from your kids so they dont worry. I have so much respect and love for her.

Even though it was stressful when Cassie, Randy, and Lacey came out, it was still good to have them there. I got closer to my uncle Randy, and realized that when I get married, I want to marry someone like him. I found out that my aunt Lacey is so full of funny stories and is still a child at heart. And, like always, spending time with my aunt Cassie is always one of the top favorite things to do.



I loved getting closer to my cousins, even though sometimes I didnt think I would be able to handle them.

"Arts and crafts" time with Tarah could have made me cry multiple times. I went from not seeing her for 4 years, to making blankets and shirts with her on the weekly. We decorated Kenneth's room in and Army theme and made different outfits while the kids were in school to keep busy and be sure tarah didnt feel like she was doing nothing.



I made multiple friends out there and they all made it hard to leave. Wyatt, though, made me want to stay... or at least take him with me. I always talk about how much I want a nephew, well out there, I have one. But according to some, he is really my boyfriend. Love that kid so dang much. Cutest boy in the world.



I'm not saying that it was easy.... I am saying that it was worth it though. I had relationship problems while I was out, I missed my cousins surgery, and realized how much I truly do rely on my family. But, I got to watch, with my own eyes, my aunt get better and happier. That is the greatest gift I have ever been given... To know that, maybe it was small, but I did make a difference. I thank God all the time for that opportunity to grow closer with her and to help her. It was a blessing in disguise.

"thank you for coming candy. love you."

"thanks for all your help. love you candy."



-- "ooopsie, pooopsie"

--"i dont know why she swallowed the fly"

miss you and love you tarah!!